i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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