There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize