Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
