Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
