Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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