Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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