oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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