i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
