So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize