last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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