My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
