if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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