I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
