We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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