There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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