come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
