Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
