We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
