you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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