I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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