nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
smell my finger.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
