so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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