I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize