Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
