We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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