I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is the high leading the old right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
