if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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