Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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