I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
