Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
