I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I deserve this hangover.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
