sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
