I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
