I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize