Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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