I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
