she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
