Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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