in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
