im holly from the hills drunk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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