I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bring me that man meat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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