Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
