what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
