I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
