omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
