We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
