Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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