Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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