He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
