Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
