I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
