Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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