i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
