Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
