i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
