I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
