Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
