I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
