she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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